“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”
It should be no shock to me that on Election Day I would check my mail and the book “Be The Change You Want To See In The World: 365 Things You Can Do For Yourself And Your Planet” would be waiting for me. I honestly had forgotten I ordered it. So I placed it on the hutch in my main room and went about my day. I got dressed, I went out to vote, I picked up “S” from daycare, I chatted with my niece, I made dinner, and then the election results started to roll in. There was so much chaos on social media that finally around 10pm I forced myself to go to bed. I just couldn’t allow myself to fall into the bottomless pit of Facebook, especially during such a huge historic event.
In the morning I got up and already knowing what I was going to find, I checked the election results. I didn’t even know how to feel. I couldn’t allow myself to feel anything too deeply. I had to get stuff done. My husband needed to get to the airport, “S” needed to be dropped off at daycare, I had a meeting in Minneapolis, but I knew I would have to start dealing with whatever was going on under the surface. I arrived early to my meeting and starting killing time by scrolling through Facebook and Twitter and was astonished by the amount of hate I was seeing (I go into my feelings on the election and the hate between everyone on my previous blog) I started taking notes about the things that really stuck out to me so I could write about it later.
After my meeting tears began to stream down my face before I could even make it back to my car. Not only because of everything I had been reading but also because of some other personal stuff I had been dealing with. I felt very alone in my sadness, even though I knew in some ways I was sharing some of this grief with so many others in the nation. After being able to vent a little to one of my dearest friends I picked up “S” from daycare and got home. I hugged her and “A” just a little tighter than normal and laid them down for their naps. Normally during nap time I take an hour for myself. Mostly to catch up on a show or two. (It’s important to take time to just zone out a little) but today I felt so exhausted that I allowed myself to write for 15 minutes (while everything was still raw) and then I laid down next to my littles and closed my eyes. I fell into a deep peaceful sleep for maybe 45 minutes.
When I awoke I felt a sense of calm. Instead of being hard on myself for not doing something productive (like the laundry I promised I would do while watching my shows) I listened to my body and mind. So often we are in such a rush to be apart of everything. The need to be in the now and in the know that we disconnect from ourselves. We plug into our computers, tablets, or smart phones and focus so much energy on the lives of others that we forget to be “selfish”. This is obviously quite common among parents. We spend most of our time focusing on the needs of our children that we forget that we have needs to. That’s one of the reasons why I started this blog. I needed an outlet to write. Whether it be to get my voice out in the world or to reestablish a sense of self outside of being a wife and a mother or if it’s just simply to keep myself writing so I can eventually make my way back to my novel, it was something I needed to do, for me.
Back to the book…As I walked out into the main room I bumped into some stuff on the hutch and the book fell at my feet. “Oh yeah” I thought…I was excited to read this. One of my Facebook friends had recommended it as a super easy purse read. (I will confess that most of my reading lately has been in the form of audiobooks) So since it was right there in my hand I flipped through it and found the date…
Not only was my mind and body telling me I needed to rest but here it was, literally right in front of my face. I am very excited to continue reading through this book. Although I’m tempted to just start at the beginning and work through it out of date but I don’t know if the anal retentive side of me would allow it. I might post a small blog or “commentary” if you will at the end of the day or the day after about it though. Whatever keeps me writing right?
Now it’s time for me to do as the book as told me and get some rest. It’s 11:21 and I should have been attempting to fall asleep hours ago.
Good night and sleep tight.