What’s “not good” company anyway? (And Happiness Challenge Day 12)

The words of my mother in law are currently ringing through my head, mostly so I don’t drive myself (and anyone currently having to deal with me) nuts. My mother in law always tells me when we are having family get together to not stress because “we’re not good company”, as in, we’re all family so there’s no need to go overboard.

And as much as I would love to believe that statement, it gives me pause. Probably because I am judgemental of myself. You know the saying, “You are your worst critic.” This tends to be true for almost everything I do. I mean…I even make my husband rate the dishes I make on a 1-10 scale. And of course, I almost always get between a 8-10. So it’s probably losing meaning at this point (or maybe I’m just that good…ha) I don’t know where or when this need to be the perfect hostess comes from.

Am I really concerned that my family (or rather my husband’s family) is going to judge me? Does it stem from backhanded comments I’ve received in the past from previous family members? (Not my husband’s family) Or maybe it’s simply because I remember my father always making a big deal out of holidays and I want to make him proud? I don’t know for sure. Wherever my anguish comes from I have been driving myself crazy trying to make everything perfect.

Luckily I have the best right hand wife ever and she has pretty much saved my Thanksgiving. From helping me pick out linens from Target (by me sending her pictures on Facebook messenger) to making me feel a little better about cutting corners in some little areas. (For example, my super cutesy place cards are probably being replaced by leaf cutouts with the guest name written in bronze marker)

There has been so much real world stressful stuff going on for us between the car accidents (plural) and dealing with co-family stuff that I have decided to just let go. Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be perfect, as much as I want it to be. I will do my best and I’m certain everyone will have a lovely time. Instead of 5 sides with our ham, we will only have 3. My famous ham might not be glazed, making it less than famous but still delicious. I’m having my sister in law bring store bought rolls. My other sister in law will be bringing the green bean casserole and cranberry sauce. I don’t have to do it all on my own.

So here I am…12 hours before I need to get up to start cooking and I’m actually able to breathe and maybe even enjoy my night. I’m not a ball of stress. I spent a good amount of my morning while “S” was at daycare cleaning and organizing while dancing around crazy (Happiness Challenge of the day was to dance around while cooking or cleaning). I picked up my grocery order and have everything staged for tomorrow. Just have to bake some bread for my gluten free stuffing (the hubs has celiac) and maybe pre-make the gluten free pumpkin cream pies from the recipe I found on facebook.

All in all tomorrow will be a great day because I get to spend it with family. Family that I am unbelievably thankful for. Growing up I always wanted a big family and now after marrying my husband I’ve got just that. And yes sometimes it’s one of those “be careful what you wish for moments” because when we all get together it’s crazy and hectic and loud but honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love them all.

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Plus size model, international spy, and habitual liar.

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